Supporting Your Depressed Friend\Family Member

What is depression?

Depression is extremely difficult to describe. People always assume that it means you are sad all of the time. However, this isn’t the case. It makes you feel… nothing. That’s the only way I can describe it. You feel numb and as if nothing you do matters. It feels as if it’s pointless being alive almost. Like you are wasting your time.

Although the more scientific explanation of depression is that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain. Your brain controls and is you. It can turn you into a completely different person and it is terrifying. I can’t deny that.

How to support someone with depression

• Simply be there for them. There is nothing more important than having a strong support system when you are going through this. You feel alone enough, let alone when you literally have nobody helping you. However do not smother them. Just let them know you are here. Even if you just send one text message every day asking how they are. One message will go a long way and mean a lot to them. They may be isolating themselves and struggle to reply but just knowing that somebody cares is an amazing feeling.
• Take them out. Only if you feel up to it that is. Do not force them. Go for a nice walk with them and just talk or just invite them round your house to watch a film. My friend even used to take me out in her car to the beach. We would sit and watch the sea and it was extremely relaxing. Just do anything to help get them out of the house for a while. They will really appreciate it, I’m sure.

What not to say to someone with depression

• “You just need to think positively” - Never say this. The problem with depression is that it makes it literally impossible to “think positively”. You may want too but your brain just won’t allow you. If it was possible to think positively immediately, don’t you think we would be doing it? We are not feeling this way every day by choice.
• “There are people worse off than you” - Do you think we don’t know this? Do you think we don’t know that there are people living in poverty all over the world? Comparing that and depression is an awful and manipulative thing to do. Don’t make the person feel bad about feeling depressed. It makes you feel like enough of a burden to your friends and family anyway.
• “You have it so good. Why aren’t you happy?- Understand that even the richest celebrities can get depressed. It is an illness that can happen to anyone. Did you know they 1 in 4 people suffer from some sort of mental illness. Even if your life is absolutely perfect. Even if you have a family, a lover and a stable job… you can still be depressed.
• “Get over it!” - This is definitely the worst one for me. I can’t believe that people think it’s okay to say this to anyone. Even if someone is feeling sad after an inconvenience, you should respect them and not just tell them to get over it. This is even worse to be told when you can’t even control how you feel, or even know why you are feeling that way.

All of these can be applied to a lot of different mental illnesses too. Check out my list of Things I Wish People Knew About Anxiety.

The best things to say

All of these speak for themselves. I know if anyone says any of these things to me, it means a lot. Be supportive and show them that you love and support them no matter what. Make it clear that you are never going to leave them alone. Depression can feel like a very lonely place. You constantly feel alone even if you are surrounded by people. I can’t even explain it.

“I love you.”

“Take as long as you need.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“You’re not a burden.”

“You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“I’m here for you.”

“You’re not alone in this.”

“I am not going to leave you.”

“You are important to me.”

And many many more. Don’t make them feel pressured and alone. Make them feel loved and cared for. That’s the best thing you can do!

I hope you all enjoyed reading this post and you learned something from it. Really take it to heart if you know someone struggling with depression or a mental illness right now.

Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely day.

• ColourfulHope (Ruth) xoxoxo